Dear UWorld,
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you. Let's never fight again.
Love,
R
09 February 2010
08 February 2010
I thought we were friends!
Dear UsmleWorld,
I hate you and I want my dignity back. That is all.
Love, R
I hate you and I want my dignity back. That is all.
Love, R
05 February 2010
Sick of studying, studying sick.
It figures. I interact with just one other human in the past 4 weeks, and I still manage to get sick. I've been arguing with some version of flu/cold/cough thing for the past week, and while I'm on the mend now, I still feel like crap and am behind in my study schedule because I was an idiot and didn't plan for this. Still, soldiering on as best I can. DayQuil is marvelous stuff.
Not much else to report on the studying front. March 10 is looming closer all the time and I'm torn between wanting time to go faster so that I can see T again (see! I mentioned you! Now get back to work!) and do a bunch of traveling and visit with my peeps, and wanting it to slow down because there's no way in Hell I'm ready for this thing yet and 4 weeks isn't long enough to learn it all.
In clinical news, it looks like SGU finally got the tentative start dates up for many of the hospitals, which would have been nice if my hospital had been one of those included. Since the start dates range from mid May to the end of June, I'm a little bit apprehensive with regards to my mid may Vegas trip. However, if last years' dates are anything to go by I should be fine. There's no gain in worrying over it anyway, and calling the office gets me absolutely no where so I'll settle for freaking out over the USMLE and saving future freakouts for, well, the future.
Not much else to report on the studying front. March 10 is looming closer all the time and I'm torn between wanting time to go faster so that I can see T again (see! I mentioned you! Now get back to work!) and do a bunch of traveling and visit with my peeps, and wanting it to slow down because there's no way in Hell I'm ready for this thing yet and 4 weeks isn't long enough to learn it all.
In clinical news, it looks like SGU finally got the tentative start dates up for many of the hospitals, which would have been nice if my hospital had been one of those included. Since the start dates range from mid May to the end of June, I'm a little bit apprehensive with regards to my mid may Vegas trip. However, if last years' dates are anything to go by I should be fine. There's no gain in worrying over it anyway, and calling the office gets me absolutely no where so I'll settle for freaking out over the USMLE and saving future freakouts for, well, the future.
31 January 2010
And up and down some more
I'm dumb! I'm going to fail the USMLE and spend the next 15 years living in a studio apartment while horrifically in debt and living on ramen!
No, wait.
I'm brilliant! I'm going to rock the USMLE and spend the next 15 years living in a studio apartment while horrifically in debt and living on...
Well, never mind then. Why am I doing this again?
Studying continues. I'm still waffling between brilliance and utter failure, but my UW scores are more or less creeping up, even after a few days of slack generated by having a house guest who convinced me (not that there was much effort involved) into such activities as wine-tasting and movie-watching while she was here. Of course, now I'm paying for it with extra long days of catchup, but it was totally worth it - relative solitude can drive anyone batty after long enough and I'm no exception.
In other news, my flights to South Africa and Finland are booked! My trip to Vegas in May is mostly-planned! My trip to NY isn't even a little bit planned but I'll get to that eventually! And I really need to get my TB test done soon.
No, wait.
I'm brilliant! I'm going to rock the USMLE and spend the next 15 years living in a studio apartment while horrifically in debt and living on...
Well, never mind then. Why am I doing this again?
Studying continues. I'm still waffling between brilliance and utter failure, but my UW scores are more or less creeping up, even after a few days of slack generated by having a house guest who convinced me (not that there was much effort involved) into such activities as wine-tasting and movie-watching while she was here. Of course, now I'm paying for it with extra long days of catchup, but it was totally worth it - relative solitude can drive anyone batty after long enough and I'm no exception.
In other news, my flights to South Africa and Finland are booked! My trip to Vegas in May is mostly-planned! My trip to NY isn't even a little bit planned but I'll get to that eventually! And I really need to get my TB test done soon.
27 January 2010
According to Plan
It's amazing how much my daily UWorld scores affect my mood each day. By amazing of course, I mean horribly bipolar. Scoring 70's? Woot! I'm made entirely of win and celebrate with 2 hours at the gym. 50's? Not so much. Everything sucks and my evening is filled with ineffectual, mopey studying and early bedtime after several hours of self-pitying conversation with whoever'll listen. Somehow, I suspect this isn't very good for my blood pressure so it's a good thing that things are the former more often than the latter.
This morning I sucked it up and paid the $45 to write NBME 4 (no real reason why I chose 4. It just seemed appropriate). And a couple of hours later (and 5 minutes staring at the "see scores" button before finding the courage to click it), I'm pleasantly surprised. A predicted score 15 points higher than the one at the end of 5th term and not too far off from my goal, so everything is going more or less according to plan. Which is somehow completely unexpected, all things considered, now that I think about it. Somehow, I keep expecting things to go horribly wrong, but I suppose there isn't really all that much that can happen when you're slogging steadily through the material and more or less keeping to schedule.
Today, I get my first day off in 2.5 weeks (probably a bit heavy of a schedule but it keeps me honest). Not sure yet how I'm going to use it, but a friend is coming by shortly and I'm sure we'll come up with something.
This morning I sucked it up and paid the $45 to write NBME 4 (no real reason why I chose 4. It just seemed appropriate). And a couple of hours later (and 5 minutes staring at the "see scores" button before finding the courage to click it), I'm pleasantly surprised. A predicted score 15 points higher than the one at the end of 5th term and not too far off from my goal, so everything is going more or less according to plan. Which is somehow completely unexpected, all things considered, now that I think about it. Somehow, I keep expecting things to go horribly wrong, but I suppose there isn't really all that much that can happen when you're slogging steadily through the material and more or less keeping to schedule.
Today, I get my first day off in 2.5 weeks (probably a bit heavy of a schedule but it keeps me honest). Not sure yet how I'm going to use it, but a friend is coming by shortly and I'm sure we'll come up with something.
23 January 2010
Looking up
It's the middle of week 2, the world outside is a frozen wasteland, and things are looking up. After a few doubt-ridden days of intermittent panic and serious considerations about dropping my resume off at Starbucks (help wanted) and forgetting about this whole doctor thing, I took an evening off and suddenly life is worth living again.
Weird how that happens sometimes, isn't it?
So I'm progressing my way through 1st Aid on schedule and my test bank scores are creeping up as I start to figure out how the question-writers think and as I feel more confident in my responses. Solitary confinement has become far more bearable with the addition of a permanently-open skype videochat window and with (text) chatting off and on with my fellow sufferers all day. And having a project to work on when I just can't take any more learning for the day is awesome too (right now I'm alternating between blackworking a reproduction 16c coif, and making a long coat that would be more awesome if I actually had all of the pattern pieces here with me). The coffee consumption has doubled, but hey, you can't have everything, right?
And...yeah. That's about it actually, now that I think of it. Just another day in the sexy, sexy life of an aspiring doctor.
Weird how that happens sometimes, isn't it?
So I'm progressing my way through 1st Aid on schedule and my test bank scores are creeping up as I start to figure out how the question-writers think and as I feel more confident in my responses. Solitary confinement has become far more bearable with the addition of a permanently-open skype videochat window and with (text) chatting off and on with my fellow sufferers all day. And having a project to work on when I just can't take any more learning for the day is awesome too (right now I'm alternating between blackworking a reproduction 16c coif, and making a long coat that would be more awesome if I actually had all of the pattern pieces here with me). The coffee consumption has doubled, but hey, you can't have everything, right?
And...yeah. That's about it actually, now that I think of it. Just another day in the sexy, sexy life of an aspiring doctor.
18 January 2010
unsure
It's day 7, and I'm still not sure if I'm doing this right.
I mean, how does one even go about studying 2 year's worth of material? I could start with a subject I know fairly well, learn the hell of it, and then move on to the next, but I suspect that by the time the exam rolls around I'll have forgotten the studd from early in the study period.
Extensive searching found me a friendly sort of study plan created by Taus of SDN fame, which involves going everything 3 times in progressively more detail. I like this, but because the first go-through involves mostly just reading for understanding and annotating First Aid, I feel kind of like I'm slacking. Add in that I'm completely bombing the practice q's in Kaplan and UWorld qbanks and I'm worried. Should I be? I have no idea. But with the test scheduled and my trip to Africa mostly finalized, I'd have to changed everything today if I wanted to and honestly I have no idea what I'd do different if I did. So I continue.
For some reason, it never occurred to me how dull this would be, reviewing stuff I either already know or sort of know or have no idea about because it was too much effort to learn in the first place and just wasn't high-yield enough to bother with. This is where having a study plan comes in - if I didn't have a material-deadline for each day (today's is to read High Yield Neuroanatomy and annotate it into my First Aid and do at least a block of neuro Kaplan q's), I'd probably be entirely screwed, because it's just so tempting to ignore the boring subjects that I find hard (muscolosckeletal, anyone?) in favour of reviewing the easy stuff that I already know.
I mean, how does one even go about studying 2 year's worth of material? I could start with a subject I know fairly well, learn the hell of it, and then move on to the next, but I suspect that by the time the exam rolls around I'll have forgotten the studd from early in the study period.
Extensive searching found me a friendly sort of study plan created by Taus of SDN fame, which involves going everything 3 times in progressively more detail. I like this, but because the first go-through involves mostly just reading for understanding and annotating First Aid, I feel kind of like I'm slacking. Add in that I'm completely bombing the practice q's in Kaplan and UWorld qbanks and I'm worried. Should I be? I have no idea. But with the test scheduled and my trip to Africa mostly finalized, I'd have to changed everything today if I wanted to and honestly I have no idea what I'd do different if I did. So I continue.
For some reason, it never occurred to me how dull this would be, reviewing stuff I either already know or sort of know or have no idea about because it was too much effort to learn in the first place and just wasn't high-yield enough to bother with. This is where having a study plan comes in - if I didn't have a material-deadline for each day (today's is to read High Yield Neuroanatomy and annotate it into my First Aid and do at least a block of neuro Kaplan q's), I'd probably be entirely screwed, because it's just so tempting to ignore the boring subjects that I find hard (muscolosckeletal, anyone?) in favour of reviewing the easy stuff that I already know.
14 January 2010
Sooner than expected
I had my first USMLE anxiety dream last night. In it, it was 4 months in the future and I was receiving my test scores. Naturally, I did terribly and was trying to figure out why when I realized that I'd somehow only gotten 3 days of studying done and no Qbank q's before sitting the test.
I'm hoping this isn't some kind of weird precognition thing, because if it was this would really suck.
I'm hoping this isn't some kind of weird precognition thing, because if it was this would really suck.
13 January 2010
written last night, internetless.
…And one jam-packed month of carousing and irresponsibility later, I am happily post-12th Night, sadly missing all of my most favouritest people (old favourites and a couple of new ones – what’s the deal with always meeting super-cool, amazing people 3 days before having to leave?), and safely entrenched in the wilds of BC (so to speak) with little more than a stack of textbooks and a Qbank subscription for company. Depressing, isn’t it?
It feels really weird to not be heading to GND this time around – seeing everyone writing about returning to Grenada brings about a sort of nostalgia (tempered by glee and a kind of satisfaction in not being one of them of course). Still, it would be nice to not be facing 8 weeks of stressed-out cramming leading to an 8-hour exam and then 3 weeks of panicked daily email-checking for results before I can feel confident in my abilities again, but not so nice that I’d rather be back on the Rock.
So . . . studying . . .
Well, as I’ve said, my Big Plan was to take over my parent’s retirement house in the Okanogan for a couple of months, where hopefully the solitude and lack of anything interesting to do would encourage me to buckle down and finally get around to learning my micro. The drive was made yesterday (a surprisingly uncomplicated drive for this time of year, involving lots of introspection and a minor epiphany or two and no snow or ice or anything more eventful than some fog) and followed by unpacking all my stuff and exploring the nearby area – plenty of coffee shops, grocery stores, and a gym/pool within a 5 minute drive = win!
Speaking of which, I’d really like to be done living out of a suitcase sometime before I’m 30. Anytime soon would be good.
The parents bought me a truckload of healthy, concentration-supporting groceries, showed me how to work the dryer, and headed back to Van this morning which allowed me to get started . . . calling ISP’s and trying to get my internet set up because Telus is lame and can’t send someone out till Friday to figure out what they did wrong when they’d promised us it was ready to go last week. (No luck, unfortunately. Looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time at Starbucks over the next few days. On the plus side, the baristas were having giant-cardboard-box races across the store when I was there yesterday so at least it’ll be entertaining).
More to come – break time (and The SImpsons) over.
It feels really weird to not be heading to GND this time around – seeing everyone writing about returning to Grenada brings about a sort of nostalgia (tempered by glee and a kind of satisfaction in not being one of them of course). Still, it would be nice to not be facing 8 weeks of stressed-out cramming leading to an 8-hour exam and then 3 weeks of panicked daily email-checking for results before I can feel confident in my abilities again, but not so nice that I’d rather be back on the Rock.
So . . . studying . . .
Well, as I’ve said, my Big Plan was to take over my parent’s retirement house in the Okanogan for a couple of months, where hopefully the solitude and lack of anything interesting to do would encourage me to buckle down and finally get around to learning my micro. The drive was made yesterday (a surprisingly uncomplicated drive for this time of year, involving lots of introspection and a minor epiphany or two and no snow or ice or anything more eventful than some fog) and followed by unpacking all my stuff and exploring the nearby area – plenty of coffee shops, grocery stores, and a gym/pool within a 5 minute drive = win!
Speaking of which, I’d really like to be done living out of a suitcase sometime before I’m 30. Anytime soon would be good.
The parents bought me a truckload of healthy, concentration-supporting groceries, showed me how to work the dryer, and headed back to Van this morning which allowed me to get started . . . calling ISP’s and trying to get my internet set up because Telus is lame and can’t send someone out till Friday to figure out what they did wrong when they’d promised us it was ready to go last week. (No luck, unfortunately. Looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time at Starbucks over the next few days. On the plus side, the baristas were having giant-cardboard-box races across the store when I was there yesterday so at least it’ll be entertaining).
More to come – break time (and The SImpsons) over.
03 January 2010
Is it almost over already?
Back home again from americaland - I'm starting to get tired of jumping back and forth across the border so often, and sleeping in my own bed again is definitely a plus. New Year's was exactly as awesome as I wanted it to be (the less said about that, the better. Safe to say my dignity remained more or less intact this year!), and the time has come to start thinking about packing for my trip to the bitter wastelands of BC (okay, so the Okanogan is neither bitter nor a wasteland. It just feels that way) for 8 weeks of self-enforced solitude and studying starting next Monday. Perhaps I'll emerge a better person or discover the secrets of the universe or something, but I'll settle for rocking Step 1.
One more week of fun and irresponsibility ahead of me. Still need to see Avatar (I've been waiting to see it in 3D at the IMAX) but Nine was weirdly brilliant and Sherlock Holmes was fun - I recommend either of them if you're looking for a diversion. 12th Night is this weekend, so I need to get my garb together and finish my mask and figure out my ride. And last, flashcarding First Aid is way behind schedule (though I expected this, so it's okay), so part of my remaining time will be devoted to finishing up that particular task (as little as I want to sacrifice my vacation to it, better that than losing study time).
Not much else to say, really. Partying and running around doesn't translate into text very well, at least not when it needs to be PG-13 and non-incriminating.
One more week of fun and irresponsibility ahead of me. Still need to see Avatar (I've been waiting to see it in 3D at the IMAX) but Nine was weirdly brilliant and Sherlock Holmes was fun - I recommend either of them if you're looking for a diversion. 12th Night is this weekend, so I need to get my garb together and finish my mask and figure out my ride. And last, flashcarding First Aid is way behind schedule (though I expected this, so it's okay), so part of my remaining time will be devoted to finishing up that particular task (as little as I want to sacrifice my vacation to it, better that than losing study time).
Not much else to say, really. Partying and running around doesn't translate into text very well, at least not when it needs to be PG-13 and non-incriminating.
29 December 2009
Vacation, studying, and NBME
So I made it home in one piece (obviously), and Grenada is already little more than a fading memory that haunts me at inopportune times. The whirlwind of parties (xmas party at the Taj Mahole was brilliant, Yule even more so), visits (I *think* I've finally seen everyone by now. If I haven't run into you yet, give me a shout!), and family stuff is finally over with, and all that remains is NYE eve tomorrow (Town Pants = awesome - I'm really looking forward to seeing them live again), NYE in B'ham with Maggie's Fury again (though I promise to be a bit less enthusiastic compared to last year!), and 12th Night in Ocean Shores before I have to get down to some serious work.
Xmas was good, and I mostly got money and gift cards which were promptly spent at Boxing Day sales on winter-friendly clothes (I'm not sure where all mine ended up, or even if I ever really had any to begin with) and fun stuff. I haven't really studied at all yet, but I've been slowly transcribing my First Aid onto flash cards and transferring notes from my old edition to my new edition in my spare time. It hasn't progressed as far as I'd have liked but it's too early to really worry about any of it yet. After all, I have almost 2 weeks before panic needs to set in for real yet!
Oh, and I finally got my NBME score back! I rocked behavioral (no surprise there) and renal (HUGE surprise there!), failed miserably at musculoskeletal (meh), and did somewhere in between for all the other subjects. According to the predictor thingie, if the NBME had been the USMLE, I'd have passed quite handily but still done nowhere nea as well as I'd like. All in all, not too bad for a stupid test for which I didn't prepare at all and protested heavily.
Now, the Wizard of Oz is on TV, and I have a list of Martini recipes to work my way through. Later, and happy New Year!
Xmas was good, and I mostly got money and gift cards which were promptly spent at Boxing Day sales on winter-friendly clothes (I'm not sure where all mine ended up, or even if I ever really had any to begin with) and fun stuff. I haven't really studied at all yet, but I've been slowly transcribing my First Aid onto flash cards and transferring notes from my old edition to my new edition in my spare time. It hasn't progressed as far as I'd have liked but it's too early to really worry about any of it yet. After all, I have almost 2 weeks before panic needs to set in for real yet!
Oh, and I finally got my NBME score back! I rocked behavioral (no surprise there) and renal (HUGE surprise there!), failed miserably at musculoskeletal (meh), and did somewhere in between for all the other subjects. According to the predictor thingie, if the NBME had been the USMLE, I'd have passed quite handily but still done nowhere nea as well as I'd like. All in all, not too bad for a stupid test for which I didn't prepare at all and protested heavily.
Now, the Wizard of Oz is on TV, and I have a list of Martini recipes to work my way through. Later, and happy New Year!
25 December 2009
Lots of chocolate, though.
26 years, still no pony. Oh well - happy non-denominational winter celebration everyone!
14 December 2009
Like I never left
True love is parents who'll cook a roast beef dinner with all the pertinent trimmings for your 2am arrival home on a Sunday night, then stay up with you watching So You Think You Can Dance while you eat it despite having to leave for work in 4 hours.
Also, it's snowing!
Also, it's snowing!
12 December 2009
Last Day!
As per Srav's post, an accounting of my last hours in Grenada:
0755 - refuse to wake up. Not gonna!
0820 - give in the inevitable, open eyes.
0830-0930 - put last night's laundry in the dryer. Watch 5 Centimeters Per Second on Mega Video.
0931 - try to understand poignancy of classic anime. Fail. Go collect dry laundry.
0935 - attempt to answer the age old question: popcorn or stroganoff for breakfast?
0936 - question answered!
0945 - answer regretted. Inventing time travel is too difficult; decide to live with the decision.
0946-1030 - pack, clean, and pack some more. Is it really worth it to keep all my pens?
1031 - yes, it is. Dress, pack beach bag, head to the highway.
1045 - desire a frappucino. Catch Reggae bus to St George's.
1050 - ponder life's meaning in a world where contrary to all expectation, the reggae bus is playing Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water 2 weeks before xmas.
1015 - imitation frappucino success! Mmmmmmmmm. Suddenly I desire a hemp ankle bracelet in Grenada colours.
1116-1200 - visit every vendor in St George's. Buy 4 spice necklaces and a banana but fail to find anyone who knows what hemp is. Politely ignore 3 marriage proposals, 7 offers to "show me around," and one "Hey, white meat!". (Well, maybe I wasn't so polite about that last one).
1201 - Success! Hemp crisis averted.
1210 - Hey, it's P! Hi P! And Hi P's family! Sure, I'd love to hear humorous stories about your son's adolescence! I exchange, I will share humorous stories about P's Banana's adventures!
1212 - or maybe not. Hey, is that a Reggae bus?
1230 - Beach time! Find perfect spot, lie down and commence baking.
1235 - sigh as a small army of 14-year-old boys appears and starts playing soccer, using you as one of the goalposts. Moving is too much work. Mmmmm...sun.
1400 - roll over. Wonder if I'm tanned dark enough that people will believe I was actually here yet. Shake fist at boys for missing the goal, again.
1545-1615 - Good enough. Wander around, say goodbyes, debate the relative merits of tan lines.
1620 - mmmmmmm....smoothie.
1640 - home again. More packing!
1830 - dinner! Debate throwing the dishes in the trash so as to not have to wash them.
1845 - wash dishes. Curse parents for raising me right.
1900-2200- putter. Chat on skype, wonder why so many of my friends are getting married this summer, and why they all have to live so far apart. Start reading my airplane book.
2200ish - become less scruffy. Wander down to Banana's, beg to be allowed in sans cover because I barely have 5ec to my name (not including leaving tax). Bat lashes at the bartender until I get a pity drink.
Much later - sweet talk a taxi driver into giving me a free ride home, wondering how I could ever have imagined that going out was a good idea.
Bye bye Grenada!
0755 - refuse to wake up. Not gonna!
0820 - give in the inevitable, open eyes.
0830-0930 - put last night's laundry in the dryer. Watch 5 Centimeters Per Second on Mega Video.
0931 - try to understand poignancy of classic anime. Fail. Go collect dry laundry.
0935 - attempt to answer the age old question: popcorn or stroganoff for breakfast?
0936 - question answered!
0945 - answer regretted. Inventing time travel is too difficult; decide to live with the decision.
0946-1030 - pack, clean, and pack some more. Is it really worth it to keep all my pens?
1031 - yes, it is. Dress, pack beach bag, head to the highway.
1045 - desire a frappucino. Catch Reggae bus to St George's.
1050 - ponder life's meaning in a world where contrary to all expectation, the reggae bus is playing Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water 2 weeks before xmas.
1015 - imitation frappucino success! Mmmmmmmmm. Suddenly I desire a hemp ankle bracelet in Grenada colours.
1116-1200 - visit every vendor in St George's. Buy 4 spice necklaces and a banana but fail to find anyone who knows what hemp is. Politely ignore 3 marriage proposals, 7 offers to "show me around," and one "Hey, white meat!". (Well, maybe I wasn't so polite about that last one).
1201 - Success! Hemp crisis averted.
1210 - Hey, it's P! Hi P! And Hi P's family! Sure, I'd love to hear humorous stories about your son's adolescence! I exchange, I will share humorous stories about P's Banana's adventures!
1212 - or maybe not. Hey, is that a Reggae bus?
1230 - Beach time! Find perfect spot, lie down and commence baking.
1235 - sigh as a small army of 14-year-old boys appears and starts playing soccer, using you as one of the goalposts. Moving is too much work. Mmmmm...sun.
1400 - roll over. Wonder if I'm tanned dark enough that people will believe I was actually here yet. Shake fist at boys for missing the goal, again.
1545-1615 - Good enough. Wander around, say goodbyes, debate the relative merits of tan lines.
1620 - mmmmmmm....smoothie.
1640 - home again. More packing!
1830 - dinner! Debate throwing the dishes in the trash so as to not have to wash them.
1845 - wash dishes. Curse parents for raising me right.
1900-2200- putter. Chat on skype, wonder why so many of my friends are getting married this summer, and why they all have to live so far apart. Start reading my airplane book.
2200ish - become less scruffy. Wander down to Banana's, beg to be allowed in sans cover because I barely have 5ec to my name (not including leaving tax). Bat lashes at the bartender until I get a pity drink.
Much later - sweet talk a taxi driver into giving me a free ride home, wondering how I could ever have imagined that going out was a good idea.
Bye bye Grenada!
10 December 2009
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